...and I'm finally realizing it and feeling a little down about it! I want to stay at home with Weston so badly, but unfortunately, it's not in the cards for us right now. Maybe at some point, but we just aren't ready to take that step financially yet and rely one income. I've posted my daily schedule on here before, but since it's changed slightly, I'll post it again.
5:30-5:45 AM - Wake-up & prepare for work, pack car and pack Weston's food, bottles, etc.
6:30 AM - Wake Weston up, dress and nurse him
7:00 AM - Leave for work and daycare
7:20 AM - Drop Weston off at Ms. Mary's (lady who keeps him everyday)
7:30 AM - Arrive at work
12:00 PM - Run any errands or take care of things, i.e. Post Office, etc.
4:00-4:15 PM - Leave work
4:20 PM - Pick up Weston
4:30 PM - 5:30 PM - It changes everyday...here are some of our possible activities:
- Grocery store or other necessary errands that I didn't have time to do earlier
- Swim Lessons at the YMCA on Tuesday's & Thursdays'
- Walk in the neighborhood, if it's not too hot
- Swim in the small pool in our backyard
- Play inside with toys, read books, etc.
- Weston plays alone while I cook dinner
5:30 PM - Weston eats dinner
6:00 PM- Begin Weston's bedtime routine...Bath, Lotion, PJ's, play in room, red books
6:30 PM - Nurse & Bed
6:45 PM - Grant and I eat dinner if I've already cooked or cook or find something to eat if I haven't
7:30 PM - Grant cleans up the kitchen, while I straighten the house
8:00 PM - ?? - Laundry, Iron clothes, as needed, prepare Weston's bottles and food for daycare the next day, make Grant and I lunch, pack clothes for Weston and I, if it's a swimming day and jog / exercise. I'll sometimes watch a show on TV, but rarely.
9:30 PM - Shower
10:00 - Pump
10:30 - Bed
I try to go to bed at 10:30 PM, but I sometimes don't go to bed until 11:00 PM or after. I'm exhausted, and I feel like I never get it all done. I know that I'm complaining, but it really hit me when I realized that Grant feels like I'm not getting it all done either.
I had a friend of mine come visit from Columbia, SC over the weekend, and she spent the night last night. We were sitting and talking, and she mentioned cooking dinner, and he immediately said, "See Rachel, she cooks dinner every night and probably irons too." I know he didn't mean anything by it, and he didn't think it would hurt my feelings, but it really upset me. I didn't act like it, but I just started crying as I was falling asleep later that night. I also tried the coupon clipping, and I enjoyed it, but it's time consuming. It's REALLY time consuming, not only to keep everything organized and clip coupons, but to go to the different stores. So, I stopped when I realized how much time I was losing with Weston or doing other things. After the comment about cooking and ironing, we got on the subject of coupons, and Grant said, "Rachel only did that for about a half week." Again, it hurt...I don't think he means it, but it hurts to know that he sees me right now as someone who can't or isn't getting it all done or giving up and only doing the job halfway.
I feel defeated, disappointed in myself and like a failure...I'm trying not to feel that way, but I can't get it all done, and I am just upset with myself. I used to be so organized and always get everything done, but I just can't do it now. I feel guilty, because I'm not doing all the things that I should be doing around the house as a wife or mother. I'm very sad, and I don't know if there is anything I can do about it. I want to stay at home with Weston, and I feel like if I did, I would be able to do more of those things. When Weston was napping, I could start dinner clean or do laundry...I want to do more. And for those of you that are SAHM's, I don't think that your job is easier. I know that it's SO difficult, and not at all easy. I admire all of you, as well! And I'm sure that you guys don't always get everything done at home either. :)
I've been MIA lately, because life has been so busy and as I said above, I can't get it all done. If anyone has any ideas or suggestions on how to change things around, please let me know. I'll take any advice that I can get on scheduling and planning. Now, I'm sitting on the computer, and I can only think about taking a nap. I'm exhausted. I don't want to get up and clean right now. I'm mentally and physically tired!
Hello world!
2 years ago
9 comments:
While I realize that I am a SAHM and it does help, even I feel like I can't do it all some days. So you aren't alone. I really admire working moms b/c it does add a whole other dynamic. Don't beat yourself up. Men don't get it. They think it takes no time to do all these things and bless your heart you have to work 2 full time jobs. Your "real" day job and then mommy/wife job. I wish I had a better idea to help, except just do what you can and express to your hubby that you NEED help and can't do it all! I use to think, (and I still struggle with this as a SAHM)that I HAD to do everything like June Cleaver, but in reality there is no shame in asking anyone for help. Just remember that you are a great mom and wife!
I have a 13 month old and am a stay at home mom. It wasn't the original plan, but I was laid off the week before he was due, and we've made it work. Honestly I can't imagine finding the time to do it all and work full time. I'm home with him all day and I still can't get it done. I do usually cook dinner, but the house isn't always clean and the laundry takes a while to get from the dryer to the basket to our drawers. I spend my day chasing a little one and straighten up the chaos after he goes to bed. But I don't have time or want to do hard core cleaning after a long day entertaining and playing with my son. Thankfully my husband doesn't seem to mind. When you're not working, I think it's important that you spend time with your son when you get home and have time for yourself after he goes to sleep. Maybe y'all need to talk about it because being a good mom is lots more important than dishes and laundry. I promise it gets easier as they get older, but in the meantime I think you're doing great!! Maybe try some crockpot meals and other easy recipes. As for coupons, I tried too but it takes a lot of time to make a big difference in your total. And it's hard for dads to understand because they don't generally pull as much weight raising an infant. Sorry this is so rambling, but I just wanted you to know you're doing great and as hard as it is to keep up staying home, I can't imagine how hard it is working. Oh and one of the best things we did was hire a lady to clean every two weeks - she's $60 and worth every penny :)
I just wanted to say I TOTALLY understand what you are going through. Not only do I also work full time, but I am going to school for my Masters and we have 2 kids. I like to blame me being in school for why I can't get a lot done, but honestly I think if I was only working it would be just as bad. When you get home from work, you just want to relax and BE WITH your children, not do chores all night. It is SO hard to keep up with. I don't really have any advice or ideas for you, because obviously I am in the same boat. I just wanted you to know you are not the only one that feels that way. I hate to be compared to other moms who seem to do it all, the coupon cutting and all that. Who has time to go to 5 different stores? And with kids in tow? No, I go to Wal-Mart and get what I need done and that's that. And cooking?! Heck I'm up for a frozen pizza any time ha. Sometimes you just can't make a full out meal after everything else in the day, and that's okay. For the most part my Fiance is understanding I think because he has had to stay with the kids before too (he goes on 3 week shut downs and he'll just stay home with them so we can save on daycare) and believe me, NOTHING gets done around the house. So I think he knows he can't say anything. ;)Hopefully your husband will learn the same. Guys just don't get it sometimes. I would tell him how those comments made you feel. I am sure he doesn't realize it would make you upset. Hang in there lady, I know it sounds hard to believe right now, but this too will pass! That is what I have to keep telling myself every day! I think it is so brave of you for even telling that story, because as moms it can be hard to admit. Keep your head up!
Oh sweetie. Do not feel badly about this, please don't. We cannot do it all. My son is almost 20 months and I still struggle with working full time, house work and errands and my Husband helps with this. Some days I get a ton done depending on what Ian is doing or what I have planned. And some days I get nothing done and the house is a wreck. And that evening my Husband will tell me everything is ok and we will either clean up together or he will do it for me while I go take a hot shower to relax. It's just laundry or it's just errands. It's really not that big of a deal in the long run. it will get done and your baby is healthy and happy. Just try to relax and don't worry about what you cannot get done just think about all the things you DID get done that day and feel good about that much of an accomplishment.
It's okay to not be able to do it all. I can't imagine how hard it would be to have to work outside the home with a baby. I would talk to your husband and see if you can find ways to make things easier on you. Maybe pay someone to clean your home every other week. Have sandwiches for dinner one night every week on paper plates, just to keep things simple, and use your crock pot. It really does make the evenings easier.
I used to coupon before baby #2 got here, but since he has been here I haven't been able to make it work. It's time consuming and just too much hassle to take both kids to so many different stores. I stay home with mine, and have had to let it be okay that I can't do it all. Henry still isn't sleeping through the night consistently so most days I feel like I'm walking around in a daze.
You are not alone. I have found for me I just have to prioritize. Somethings really aren't that important in the big picture. You and your husband need to try to figure out what those things are for your family. I'm sure Grant is a great guy and just doesn't know that you need help. Tell him.
You ARE a good wife and mommy.
{hugs}
OK, this probably wasn't your intention...but I got sorta angry reading this.
Why is it your responsibility to cook, clean, clip coupons and do the laundry? Why don't you tell him to spend more time helping, and less time criticizing!!!
I look at that schedule and see you getting Weston ready in the morning, dropping him off and picking him up when the day is over. Then getting him cleaned up and ready for bed.
I am sure you enjoy doing all of it, but there is a lot of stuff in there that he could do to make your life a lot more manageable...like packing Weston's stuff in the morning or running all of those errands for you.
It is a team game, and you shouldn't feel like you have have to do it all yourself.
There...done ranting:-) And for the record, you are WAY more organized and on top of things than I am:-)
I'm sorry your feelings were hurt. My fiance and I learned in our marriage prep classes to try and not put one another down (even jokingly) in front of others. I'm glad you were able to talk to your husband about it and let him know it hurt your feelings. Just know you're definitely not alone, and there are things that you do as a mother/wife that other's don't have time for or do.. we are all so different and obviously can't do it all!
You are doing a wonderful job! I am staying at home with our little boy and I still feel exactly the way you do. I never planned to be a SAHM, it just ended up happening, but I now have the most respect for moms who work outside of the house. Just being a mommy is a 24/7 job, and to then add a second job to the mix must be so hard! My house is only clean the one day a week that I clean it, laundry stays piled up, and I am always a day behind on dishes. No one can do it all, just do what you are already doing- and that is your best!
I know that what you are going through is hard but you juat have to let go & not stress & worry about what isn't getting done because what is "getting done" is more important........you are raising & spending time with your beautiful little boy & that is what is most important!! I know didn't mean it & men have a hard time understanding what we as wives & mothers go through but as long as you keep your lines of communication open with him this too will pass & you will once again figure out how to be supermom & wife :)
Hang in there!!
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