Just a little clarification...

...in my last post, I mentioned that Grant made two comments that hurt my feelings, and yes, they did hurt my feelings, and yes, I do feel like I can't get it all done. I mentioned the comments to Grant, and he was extremely apologetic, and he didn't intend to hurt my feelings. He does understand that I can't get it all done and be superwoman, just like he can't be superman, and he doesn't get everything done either. Just because he apologized and didn't mean any harm by what he said, doesn't make me feel better. And even if he hadn't said them, I would probably at some point broken down about it. I used to be able to "do it all", and I never had any trouble getting it done. Now, it's just harder, and I'm having to face that reality.

Also, Grant does help around the house a lot and more than I could EVER ask for...I'm SO grateful for him. He bathes Weston every night and prepares him for bed, after I nurse him, he typically reads him a story, says his prayers and puts him to bed. He cooks breakfast for us every morning, he feeds Weston regularly and plays with him non-stop. He also cooks dinner for us 50% of the time, and he cleans up the kitchen after dinner every night. When it's house cleaning time, he does his share of cleaning, and I've never cleaned a bathtub or shower in this house. If Weston happens to wake up in the middle of the night, which is now rare, thankfully, Grant gets up with him. He gets up early with him, and he takes him downstairs and they play after I nurse him, so I can get a little extra sleep on the weekends. He does a great job, and I'm SO grateful for him.

He is a great husband and a great father...if I haven't had a chance to finish ironing, he does it. He hates it though, so I feel like that's one thing that I really have to do. He also does all of the work outside...he mows the grass, trims the bushes, kills the wasp and yellow jacket nests, etc. The list of outside work that he does could go on for miles. He painted the entire outside of our house last summer, and he painted the entire inside of our house the summer before. Grant is a hardworking man, and I'm SO thankful that I'm married to such an amazing guy. We are just very different, and we handle stress much differently from one another. And after the list of things above that Grant does, what do I have to be stressed out about?! :)

I can't do it all...

...and I'm finally realizing it and feeling a little down about it! I want to stay at home with Weston so badly, but unfortunately, it's not in the cards for us right now. Maybe at some point, but we just aren't ready to take that step financially yet and rely one income. I've posted my daily schedule on here before, but since it's changed slightly, I'll post it again.

5:30-5:45 AM - Wake-up & prepare for work, pack car and pack Weston's food, bottles, etc.
6:30 AM - Wake Weston up, dress and nurse him
7:00 AM - Leave for work and daycare
7:20 AM - Drop Weston off at Ms. Mary's (lady who keeps him everyday)
7:30 AM - Arrive at work
12:00 PM - Run any errands or take care of things, i.e. Post Office, etc.
4:00-4:15 PM - Leave work
4:20 PM - Pick up Weston
4:30 PM - 5:30 PM - It changes everyday...here are some of our possible activities:
- Grocery store or other necessary errands that I didn't have time to do earlier
- Swim Lessons at the YMCA on Tuesday's & Thursdays'
- Walk in the neighborhood, if it's not too hot
- Swim in the small pool in our backyard
- Play inside with toys, read books, etc.
- Weston plays alone while I cook dinner
5:30 PM - Weston eats dinner
6:00 PM- Begin Weston's bedtime routine...Bath, Lotion, PJ's, play in room, red books
6:30 PM - Nurse & Bed
6:45 PM - Grant and I eat dinner if I've already cooked or cook or find something to eat if I haven't
7:30 PM - Grant cleans up the kitchen, while I straighten the house
8:00 PM - ?? - Laundry, Iron clothes, as needed, prepare Weston's bottles and food for daycare the next day, make Grant and I lunch, pack clothes for Weston and I, if it's a swimming day and jog / exercise. I'll sometimes watch a show on TV, but rarely.
9:30 PM - Shower
10:00 - Pump
10:30 - Bed

I try to go to bed at 10:30 PM, but I sometimes don't go to bed until 11:00 PM or after. I'm exhausted, and I feel like I never get it all done. I know that I'm complaining, but it really hit me when I realized that Grant feels like I'm not getting it all done either.

I had a friend of mine come visit from Columbia, SC over the weekend, and she spent the night last night. We were sitting and talking, and she mentioned cooking dinner, and he immediately said, "See Rachel, she cooks dinner every night and probably irons too." I know he didn't mean anything by it, and he didn't think it would hurt my feelings, but it really upset me. I didn't act like it, but I just started crying as I was falling asleep later that night. I also tried the coupon clipping, and I enjoyed it, but it's time consuming. It's REALLY time consuming, not only to keep everything organized and clip coupons, but to go to the different stores. So, I stopped when I realized how much time I was losing with Weston or doing other things. After the comment about cooking and ironing, we got on the subject of coupons, and Grant said, "Rachel only did that for about a half week." Again, it hurt...I don't think he means it, but it hurts to know that he sees me right now as someone who can't or isn't getting it all done or giving up and only doing the job halfway.

I feel defeated, disappointed in myself and like a failure...I'm trying not to feel that way, but I can't get it all done, and I am just upset with myself. I used to be so organized and always get everything done, but I just can't do it now. I feel guilty, because I'm not doing all the things that I should be doing around the house as a wife or mother. I'm very sad, and I don't know if there is anything I can do about it. I want to stay at home with Weston, and I feel like if I did, I would be able to do more of those things. When Weston was napping, I could start dinner clean or do laundry...I want to do more. And for those of you that are SAHM's, I don't think that your job is easier. I know that it's SO difficult, and not at all easy. I admire all of you, as well! And I'm sure that you guys don't always get everything done at home either. :)

I've been MIA lately, because life has been so busy and as I said above, I can't get it all done. If anyone has any ideas or suggestions on how to change things around, please let me know. I'll take any advice that I can get on scheduling and planning. Now, I'm sitting on the computer, and I can only think about taking a nap. I'm exhausted. I don't want to get up and clean right now. I'm mentally and physically tired!

I'll be back with more tomorrow...

It was a great weekend...one of my friends got engaged on Friday night, so I'm now in two weddings next year and Grant is in one. They will all be next Spring, so we'll have a lot going on!

The game on Saturday was fun, because we were hanging out with friends, but it was kind of boring, because Tennessee Tech didn't even score! We had a crazy experience at Buffalo's that I'll write about more tomorrow, and the shower on Sunday was so much fun.

I had a friend who told me that she was coming to the shower, and she is a close friend of mine, and she didn't show up. She didn't even call to tell me why she couldn't make it. I'm disappointed in her and feel like she doesn't really value our friendship. She was in our wedding, and she did similar things throughout the wedding planning. She didn't make it to a Bridal Shower, because she had allergies on the day of the shower. She had already RSVP'd to that one too, and she sent me a text message to let me know. She showed up two hours late to my Bachelorette Party, and then she only stayed for about half an hour, and she invited her boyfriend to come down and meet us downtown. But whatever! I'm just not sure I know when to call it quits on a friendship where I can't rely on someone.

Anyways, I'm exhausted today! I went to bed at 9:00 PM, but I just can't keep my eyes open. I've been sneezing and congested, and I'm not sure if I'm getting sick or if it's allergies or something. I took a nap under my desk this morning, because I was so tired, and it's not even 10 AM. I left my camera at the girl's house yesterday for the Baby Shower, so I can't post any of my pictures, so I'll post pictures when I get back, and I'll write more about the fun events of the weekend when I'm feeling better.

Hope everyone has a great Monday!!

One of those Days...

Grant and I got home and ate dinner really quick, and we got right down to work. We were able to get lots done on our "To Do List", and I was SO proud. We still have things to do, but we got some stuff done yesterday, so that was a relief.

Anyways, I'm having one of those days today though! I couldn't get to sleep last night until midnight. I was just rolling around and trying to get comfortable and from the time that I laid down until I finally fell asleep, I had to get up three times to go to the bathroom.

I woke up and my nose is completely stopped up and running. I don't think I'm getting sick...I think it's just the weather and the typical stuffiness. I also have a headache that isn't improving as the morning progresses, and I'm exhausted. My fingers are also swollen today, and I could barely get my rings on this morning. I don't know that I'll be able to get them off now! I'm sad, because I want to be able to continue wearing them.

Well, I'm full of complaints today, so I'm going to get to work, and I'll hopefully be in a more cheerful mood when I come back tomorrow!

11 Weeks & 1 Day

So, after hearing everyone's advice the other week about whether or not to tell, I decided to wait a little bit longer. I think everything will be okay, but if I've waited a little over seven weeks to tell everyone already...what's a few days longer?! So, I'm going to tell everyone and make the news public in six days!! I'm SO excited. I know that it's not technically the end of the 1st trimester until the end of the 12th week, but I am going to cook-out and to the Braves game on the 18th with some friends that I only see once or twice a year, and I want to tell them all then, so I'm going to have to spill the beans! :)

Now, I haven't done this in a few weeks, so I'll do it today...

How far along? 11 Weeks, 1 Day
Total weight gain/loss: 1-2 lbs...Still about the same amount of weight gain!
Maternity clothes? Not yet...I have some, and my clothes are getting tight, but I'm not wearing it yet.
Stretch marks? Nope...
Sleep: Decent. I'm not getting enough sleep, so I'm exhausted, and I get SO hot during the middle of the night, but otherwise, I'm sleeping pretty well.
Best moment this week: Reaching the 11 Week Mark!
Movement: Nope.
Food cravings: Mexican
Gender: Don't know yet...
Labor Signs: None
Belly Button in or out? In
What I am looking forward to: Finding out if it's a boy or a girl and painting the nursery!
Weekly Wisdom: I don't really have any...
Milestones: Feeling better...still exhausted, but feeling better, so I've been able to get to the gym some last week and both Monday and Tuesday this week. My body isn't used to it, so I'm a little sore, but it's been good, and I feel so much better!

All over the place...

I'm tired all the time, but I think a good portion of my tiredness stems from the fact that Grant doesn't need much sleep. He goes to bed at 11:00 PM or later, and he sets the alarm clock for 5:45 AM. I'm also getting up to go to the bathroom at least one - two times per night. I am the opposite, and I like to get eight hours of sleep. I like to have plenty of sleep and be well-rested, so I like to go to bed between 9:00 and 10:00 PM and sleep until 6:00 AM.

I'm also a very light sleeper, so I wake up very easily. If I go to bed before Grant, I don't sleep well until he gets in bed, then I wake up while he is getting ready for bed. I then sleep until his alarm clock goes off and that's usually it. Needless to say, I'm not getting enough rest, and I can't wait for the weekend to relax and nap! :) As terrible as this sounds, I already laid down this morning. I got to work, and I was so exhausted that I couldn't keep my eyes open in front of the computer screen, so I laid down on my floor in my office and closed my door for ten minutes. When I got back up...I felt SO much better! It's SO terrible though, and I feel bad, but I had to do it!

I'm planning on going to the Athens Farmer's Market this weekend, and I'm SO excited about it. I've never been, but I've heard it's great. My mom is going to go with me...We are also going to go to the local baby store, Rattles & Rhymes just for fun, and I think we are going to go shopping, as well. I don't have to buy any maternity shirts with her around...she has already bought me 10-15 shirts, and I think that's really all I'll need...some are casual and some are for work, so I have a great mixture. So now I just need to find some pants. She's also going to do an ultrasound for me...We are trying to decide if we are going to do the NT scan at my next doctor's appointment. My mom does ultrasounds, so she is going to do the ultrasound portion of the test. If it looks abnormal, we'll go ahead and get the blood work done for it at my next appointment. If it looks normal, then we are going to save our money and not do the scan.

Hope everyone has a fabulous Tuesday!