Before I was a Mom...

Before I was a Mom, I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom, I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on. I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom, I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom, I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put him down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom, I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom, Ihad never goten up in the middle of the night, every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

Me & Weston on Easter Sunday after Church

Weston & Banks - Best Friends Forever!

Well, he can roll over...

...and I found out the hard way. So, I was preparing a bottle of BM for Grant, because I was going to be away from the house this evening during Weston's dinner time. I didn't want Grant to have to deal with an angry baby until I got home, so I went ahead and used some of the fresh BM that I had pumped earlier in the day, and I made a bottle. Anyways, while I was making the bottle...I had left Weston laying on the couch. He was sound asleep next to me, and I moved him away from the edge with his head facing out and his legs facing the back of the couch.

I think you all know what is coming...I was finishing up with the bottle, and I had just put it in the refrigerator and was getting ready to turn around and walk back to the couch when I heard a loud "THUD" followed by a brief moment of silence. Then, I heard screaming! Weston had somehow rolled over and fallen off the couch onto the floor. I'm not sure how it happened, and I can't picture how he rolled off in my head, but he did it!

My heart immediately stopped, and I was shaking for fear that he was hurt. Thankfully, I scooped him up off the carpeted floor (and to think that we are preparing to replace with wood floors at some point), and I comforted him until he stopped crying. He only cried for a few minutes, and I felt all around, and he didn't have any pain. He has been fine all evening, so I know that he's not hurt, but he definitely gave me a heart attack! I will NOT leave him alone anywhere except in his crib, pack and play, swing or on the floor. I'm so grateful that it happened on the short fall from the couch to the floor and not our bed to the floor or the changing table to the floor. I've left him momentarily in those locations too, because he couldn't go anywhere.

I've definitely learned my lesson...the hard way!

Bedtime

We have established a great bedtime routine for Weston, and it's working well for us...Weston gets a bath or a sponge bath every night to relax him, as well as, lotion on his chest, arms and legs. After his bath, we read him a story, he nurses, and I put him down in his bed awake. He does great, and he lays there for sometimes over an hour and finally drifts off to sleep. We have no problem with his sleeping...he wakes up once in the night, and he eats and goes right back to sleep, so we are definitely blessed in regards to sleeping.

My question is...What time does your little one go to bed? What age did they start going to bed at that time? At seven weeks, what time were they going to bed? I'm not sure what is "normal" or if there is a normal at this point. Weston typically goes down around 8:00 PM, and he does fine, but it's pretty normal that he lays there wide-awake for an hour before falling asleep. Do we read to him more or let him lay there? Is 8:00 PM too early for his age? I'm not sure...I have no clue really. Any ideas or suggestions or experiences anyone has to share?

Motherhood FAIL

So, yesterday, I went to the dentist, and I had my mom come over and watch Weston while I went to get some cavities filled. I came home, and we relaxed together and my mom stuck around and we chatted for awhile. The afternoon was great! I went out to Wal-Mart to take care of getting a few items that we needed around the house while my mom was still at the house. I came back and all was quiet. As my mom prepared to leave, Weston started getting fussy, and he was crying as she headed out the door.

Grant got home and thought he would quiet him while I put up the items from Wal-Mart. No success...he couldn't get him to stop screaming. So, I decided I would switch off with him and see if I could settle him down. It was a complete FAILURE! He continued to cry and scream at the top of his lungs for the next hour and a half. We finally decided to bathe him and get him ready for bed, since he loves baths so much. That worked until he got out, and he started up again. About that time, it was time to eat, so I fed him, and afterwards, he started screaming again. I didn't know what to do...My baby was screaming at the top of his lungs, and I didn't know what was wrong, and I couldn't fix it. I felt like a terrible mother! I tried everything...walking with him, bouncing him, changing his diaper, feeding him, giving him gas drops and the list goes on.

Finally, as terrible as it sounds, I gave up. I couldn't do anything, so I decided to just put him down in his crib. I did, and he immediately stopped crying. I watched him on our video monitor, and he stayed awake looking around in his crib for about an hour and finally drifted off to sleep. We didn't hear another peep out of him until 2:00 AM when he was ready to eat again. I'm not sure what his problem was, and he is a different and very happy baby today, but that could change at any minute. :)

I on the other hand am having a hard time shaking it...I know that it's going to happen and there will be times when I can't make my little guy stop crying, but it's SO difficult. I feel like a bad mom, because I couldn't figure out the problem. And then laying him down stopped him from crying, so he'd prefer to be alone than with his mommy. :( I know that I will have MANY occasions when I feel like this, and I really need to get over it. I'm going to get frustrated and breakdown, and I'm going to feel like a bad mom sometimes. Everything isn't always perfect, and I have to accept that life is full of imperfections, especially with a little boy who doesn't always know what he wants. :) And when its not perfect...I have to remember that I have a loving, wonderful husband who will let me breakdown and cry when I'm feeling like a terrible mother and assure me that Weston loves me and that I'm a wonderful mother. I love him!